Relationships

Relationships

I received this article as a forwarded mail.It's worth reading.Found it too good and thought to share with all of you. Read it till the end … this would change your perception about all your relations and brighten your day for sure..!!!


TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".

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NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"
The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.

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CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, and good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent, when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

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NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..

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RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered," You should appreciate that you married me. Other wise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them rides on the donkey? "Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."
The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately get down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.

Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..

BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, and hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "But when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

Thanks,

Ahmed......

THE MAGIC OF THINKING

THE MAGIC OF THINKING
NEGATIVE ATTITUDE DRAINS OUT ENERGY WHILE POSITIVE THINKING EMPOWERS,

"There is nothing wrong or right except your thinking, which makes it so.." - Shakespeare
Power of thinking has been one of the most talked about topics ever. In the modern era, the focus has been more on the positive thinking. A lot has been written about ir. Bookstores are flooded with books on related topics, while news papers are hiring experts to write columns, as it has been one of the most read topics as well. Meanwhile , a number of oraganisations have also started taking Employee Assistance Services (EAP) to keep their employees postive and cheerful.
But only a few practice what is advised by the experts. mainly because, it is beyond their imagination.
How much positive thinking can transform the life of a person is evident from an incident, which hogged media limelight in the mid 9os.
"A young patient was admitted to a hospital in the U.S, Where doctors daignosed that he was suffering from a tumour. The disease was declared incurable and the patient was expected to surive not more than six months.
But the family members were told not to disclose this to the patient. Thus, while leaving the hospital, he was told to enjoy life as if there was nothing to worry about.
Although family members were counting days, he was leading a cheerful life. when a year passed without any trouble, his relatives registered a case against the doctor saying he misguided them. A team of medical experts carried out various examinations and were amazed to see that the tumour had disappeared.
People thought it was a miracle. In fact, it was a miracle (Subhanaallah) + it was the power of positive thinking that transformed illness into cure"

Thinking - a way of life

It is simply a process through which people look at various aspects of day-to-day life. It is described as the way people look at life. Someone's success is measured by his attitude, which is a result of his belief system, Upbringing, Socialisation and experience.
According to me "Attitude" is not static, it changes from time to time and it should change with time.
Positive thinking produces hormones which makes a person agile, energetic, cheerful and resilient, While negative think produces hormones that makes a person gloomy, lethargic and pessemestic.
Postive attitude gives power and energy to move ahead, it is the force that drives towards a particular goal.
It inculcates the habit of winning, it gives faith to face adversity and makes a tough and tiring journey smooth. People with psotive attitude are always found cheerful. They are experimental by nature and very receptive too. They believe in the philosophy of moving ahead and begin their day with great excitement, with the hope to do something good. Never blame a person or situation for their failure, rather take the responsibility and try to correct it. They never indulge in negative gossip.
Thus people with positive attitude are bound to shine sooner or later.
History has seen many personalities who carved a niche for themseleves, even after going through tough times of their life. For instance, former captain of the Indain cricket team Saurav Ganguly and the Australian cricket team. They have set an example for others to follow.
While Ganguly bounced back after Indian media and team management declared him a failure. Aussies, on the other hand, have remained invincible in prestigious tournaments like the ICC Cricket World Cup.
People need to understand that negative attitude drains out energy and makes small things tough and insurmountable. It reduces the energy level and diminishes the fighting spirit. It brings failure in life much before it actually comes. People with negative attitude always focus on their failure. And their subconcious mind are flooded with negative statements that control the mind, which is bound to yeild negative results.
Thus positive attitude should be inculcated in the self as it is a matter of choice, not chance. It makes life cheerful and it brings positive energy and provides immense fighting spirit. Circumstances can't be changed at times, But it can be improved with the help of thinking positively.

Positive attitude is simply magic and more powerful than any wonder drugs.


Ahmed.

Key 2 - Communicate openly, directly and honestly

Key 2 - Communicate openly, directly and honestly

I name this key “The Solution” solution for what? It’s the solution for any single problem can face married couples. I know it’s easy to say but in real life it need some effort, practice and enforcement to really apply this key effectively. I believe deserve to pay the price to build this habit and have this key in your life. Just imagine how this key can really change your marriage relation and make it go very smooth and positive with real clear love.


Let me ask you some questions

Do you –sometime- hold conversation in your mind about your spouse but at the end you forget to tell him/her in real life?

Did you ever felt nice about something your spouse did for you but you forgot to tell him/her how you felt or delayed this?

Did you ever felt bad from something but was afraid to tell your spouse to not hurt him/her?

Do you feel that your spouse do not understand you or he/she accuse you with the same?

Did you experienced that the nice time and mood with your spouse spoiled suddenly cause of conflict?

Do you feel distanced from your spouse without specific reason?

The KEY question

Do you want to have happiness, love, and solve all challenges with positive attitude in your marriage?


Do not expect that I’ll give you magic stick that will solve all your problems and make you happy. You can have all the positive results from applying this key and it is proven in real-life experiences which can be considered matter of fact. All what you need is to spend effort and pay the price to build this very powerful habit in your marriage.



Before I start I want to tell you what is exactly my scope and what are the issues that you should NOT apply this key on:

1. Past experiences or relations that you already disconnected from and were replaced by your current marriage.

2. Temporal thoughts that come to your mind and you do not keep thinking about. For example if you felt something temporally toward someone else and he realized quickly that it is not correct or did not pay more attention.

3. If you want to surprise your spouse with something.

4. If you want to advice or guide your spouse in nice way and you know that he/she will appreciate and receive it more if it was indirect.


Well let’s start. I’ll take about 2 main points:


Time Bomb


Big mistake some people do when they hide something and say that time will solve or they escape from it or hang it on weak reasons or leave it to Allah. We talked before about the black dot in the post “Power of Forgiveness” and how it increase by time until it make all the heart black and not able to send or receive any emotions. You can find and discover yourself that escape from problems and negative feelings, try to hide and ignore it is NOT a solution at all.


What you do is to put a BOMB that will explode in the future and you try to close your eyes as if it does not exist. Imagine that you went with your family or friends in a park to have nice time what will you do if you know that there’s a BOMB in that place that can explode and you cannot get out from this place at all. Will you say: “I want to enjoy my current moment and not spoil the nice time by thinking about the bomb!?” or you will rush to remove it and then really enjoy your time without any worry? You choose.


You cheat yourself by leave problems to not spoil the current moment or leave it to Allah and time Allah said in Quran that he will NOT change people until they change themselves. The BEST way to beat fears and problems is to FACE and see it as challenge that will take you to better state Insha’Allah. Take immediate action to STOP the BOMP to really enjoy and have more real long last nice time Insha’Allah.


Another example assume that you have small just born wild animal like crocodile that you kept with you in secret and ignored all the warnings that people give to you. You just say it’s small and I don’t believe it will cause any future troubles. Day after day it was grow slowly and you still keep your eyes closed from the real danger you can have by leave it. This how people do by leave the small and give excuses and close their eyes from the danger of ignoring small problems. Take immediate action to KILL the GIANT while it’s young to save yourself from the future pain.




Seek to understand befor to be understood

My objective from the above section is to really realized the importance of communication and the dangerous risk for hide feelings for any reason (usually it’s with good intention
) . After you realize the Why to communication in this section I want to share with you the habit of How to communicate.


Be the way this habit taken from Islamic source, I heard Dr. Steven Covey admit that Islam and Quran was one of his main sources for his famous book and he mentioned some Ayas and Hadiths as evidence for the habits he mentioned in the book.




One of the very important habits that people need to have smooth communication is the habit of listening. After I learned about this habit I start to pay attention in my daily life conversation and watch how people behave. I was surprised because it’s true that most of people seek first to talk and make the other person understand them.


The funny thing that in many conversations after long time of talk they discover that either they forgot the start point of conflict or the solution was mentioned in the beginning of the conversation and there’s no conflict at all.


Let’s divide listening into 4 levels

1. Ignoring listening: In which people just hear words by your ears but do not pass them cross your mind at all just throw them away.

2. Selective listening: In which people just pay attention to some parts of the conversation that they interest in or when the speaker ask them to pay attention.

3. Active listening: In which you pay attention to all what speaker says and give back acknowledgment.


Before we mention the 4th type we need to know what is the problem of these type of listening and why it lead to misunderstanding and negative feelings.
Imagine that you was feels upset and was talking with your friend about your problem. How will you feel if your friend was not look at you, or do something else while listening, or keep asking you to repeat what you said because he lost concentration and did not hear, or his face and body language was cold and did not get affected by what you said, etc…


I think you wish that your friend give full attention to what you say from his/her heart and deeply understand your feeling. Well this is the 4th type of listening which called


4. Empathic listening: In which you listen with deep connection to the speakers with all your senses. It’s not like active listening in which you pay full attention to speakers words or make it in professional way. Empathic listening is more intimate listening in which you really feel the other person needs first and seek to fully understand how he/she feel then you can present yours .After that, work together to find a solution.



As I said before the benefit from building this habit in your life can be definitely the solution for all communication challenges with your spouse. It can increase your emotional connection and keep it healthy and clear forever Insha’Allah. You need to pay the price to have thin habit in terms of effort and practice. I’ll give you some ideas that can help you to build this habit in your marriage relation:


Avoid

1. Do not listen with intend to reply.
2. Do not take things personally or feel accused.
3. Do not use empathic listening as technique.


Practice

1. Maintain sincere intimate emotional connection.
2. Listen to emotions and content.
3. Have a sincere desire to understand.



At the end of this key I decided from now to seek to understand first before to be understood, and enjoy the sharing of all feelings and thoughts with spouse.

Power Of Forgiveness

I had already have being with this Issue's... so thought to share with all of my friends in Riyadh....

“I forgive you” Common 3 words people can use to accept apology. I was thinking what these words really mean and how we can know that we really forgive by heart. While I was thinking questions start to come to my mind:

Why should we forgive and why some people cannot forgive?

How can I test my forgiveness if it’s really from heart or just words?

What are types of forgiveness and How Can I forgive really from heart?

What the effect of forgiveness on my spirit, mind and whole life?

In this Coffee Break I want to share with you my thoughts about Forgiveness

Usually in our daily life relationship with people we can have conflicts that cause anger, fight, quarrel, hurt and upset. It’s normal because every person is unique in terms of thoughts, personality, education, background, culture, etc…

Such conflict can lead certain person to have some negative feelings toward another one. You can think about this negative feeling as black dot in the heart which can be big or small based on the situation and how painful it was for you. For sure the situation that causes such negative feeling is something happen in the past even if it was just minute ago.

Assume that someone hurt you in the beginning of the day and you developed such black dot in your heart toward him/her. Watch yourself and ask Am I comfortable? Is my productivity the same? Do I feel peace of mind?

I know that the size of that black dot and its effect depend on the situation itself and how much your hurt from it, But I want to talk about the fact that we cannot feel peace of mind with such black dot in our heart. Think about this as you are carrying the person that hurt you on your shoulders and when you remember the past situation you feel bad or say it was going to be better if I did such and such !!.

I believe if you seek happiness, peace of mind and save your energy you should learn how to STOP carrying all your negative past on your shoulder, move such people away from your shoulder and clean all black dots from your heart to move faster in your life.



Can you really forgive?

Can you really fully forgive other people not partial forgiveness as most people do? To test yourself think about any situation you were hurt by someone and check the following:

Did you tell that person that you forgive him/her?

Did you find logical and acceptable reason for what he/she did to you?

Do you believe that there’s good reason for what happened even if you cannot specify?

Did you gain experience from what happened help you to avoid having the same negative feeling in the future?

And the KEY question
Do you feel ANY pain when you remember that person and the situation?


If your answer for the last key question was Yes it means that you still carry what happened on your shoulders and have the black dot in your heart.


Some people can say but I really forgave that person and do NOT have any hate in my heart. I say it’s not matter of hate the person or no, but s the negative effect on YOU still exists or no? I mean the negative emotion or pain you have when you remember the situation.

What about time I think it can remove the negative effect on me? It depends on the size of black dot itself for example this is true in daily simple conflicts that happen at work, street, school, etc… that last for only few minutes or even hours, But I’m talking about repetitive memories that when you remember you feel pain for some time until you forget again.

Such type of repetitive bad effect memories will NOT healed by time. Unfortunately there’re psychological theories say that it will increase by time. It’s like small ice ball going down from mountain and getting bigger by time.

The good news you can go back with your mind to the past and destroy the small ball. Insha’Allah based on your comments and questions we can later on discuss this in more details.

What is the objective from this Coffee Break?

Forgiveness is one of the BEST habits you can ever develop to have happiness and peace of mind. The simplest way to achieve forgiveness is to make it on 2 levels at the same time mental & emotional level.

You should forgive with both your mind by finding good reasons behind what happened or learn from this, and to forgive by your heart by cleaning it from any negative emotion toward that person & PRAY for him/her because we created different, sinful and with weak points including You.

Stay with yourself and reconsider the situation that you feel pain when you remember and find what you learned from it. Ask yourself what will gain from feeling bad!! It’s enough past is a box select from it ONLY what give you strength at the current moment.

(added on 21 Jan)

Forgiveness is strength some people think that forgiveness is applied when you cannot defend yourself or when you are weak. It’s totally the opposite because forgiveness is more difficult and need more effort than revenge. Forgiveness is not related to continue or break the relationship because it’s separated issue. To forgive doesn’t mean that you have to continue the relation if the other party abuse this.

Healthy relation should be win-win relation full of care and love from both parties. Whatever happened you are not victim because you have the power of choice. Forgiveness does not mean you leave or lose your rights at all. We are talking about marriage relation Not war.

Forgive regardless you decided to continue or break the relation.

Forgive to be stronger.

Forgive without being abused.

Forgive to protect you energy.

Forgive and keep your rights.

Forgive and correct your spouse.

Just Forgive...

If you want to be happy and have peace of mind develop the habit if forgiving immediately and never allow the black ball to grow in your heart.

Ahmed.....
अहमद ....

Swim deeply into urself

Hello my friends,
I want to talk with u today about something very interesting it's scientific personality type indicator called MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator).

MBTI helped me a lot to understand myself, ppl around me and how to deal with myself & other ppl.

It's not a magic or just someone personal experience, It's a well established science with controlled statistical researches over 40 years.

The main objectives of MBTI and similar indicators are:
1- Realize and know urself.
2- Accept the other ppl since u can NEVER change anyone without his own will.
3- Adapt urself to deal with other ppl.

There're many tools and personality indicators such as Enneagram, Social Style Matrix, HBDI,etc... personally I prefer MBTI but all of them r very useful

MBTI answer the common question Why I can deal with some ppl smoothly and feel great distance with others !!!

Please note that Human being is very complicated and we have all the personality components inside. MBTI just show u the preferred natural component u use and it's never 100% which means that u use all the components of ur personality.

I wont talk more about MBTI because u can find many online resources and professional books on the internet.

If u want to read more about MBTI u can use the following resources

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator

http://www.keirsey.com/

Please feel free to contact me or leave a comment if u need any further info :)

Thanks,
Ahmed.

Coffee Break #1

Can you imagine that piece of knowledge can change your life? Whatever your answer was this happened with me and I would like to share with you my personal modest experience.

Long time ago I was affected a lot with word, reaction or behavior of other people with me sometimes I was feel upset or bad for many days or even weeks. Now when I’m thinking about this I found the reason was really trivial or I misunderstand something. I started to realize that what happened does not deserve all this negative feelings I had.

Can people change their feelings about past experience if they changed their interpretation and understanding of it?
Can this affect their future reaction if the same thing happened again?

I think we should start to know what is paradigm and how it is control our life.
Paradigm is the set of mental rules that guide your understanding for the surrounded environment and actions. Simply it’s the like glass on your eyes that control how you see and understand what happen around you.
It’s like box contains your of thoughts, opinions, believes, personality and experiences that you use before you make any movement or reaction.

You behave and react based or your paradigm both consciously and unconsciously. The majority of people follow their paradigm unconsciously and fully controlled by their paradigm regardless if it’s true or wrong.


The objective from such topic is to give guidelines how to take control over your paradigm to release your hand break (negative emotions) and go in your life with more confidence Insha’Allah. This post will be just a piece of sugar and after I finish the topic of 7 Keys for Happy Marriage as I promised Insha’Allah I’ll talk in more details about paradigm theory.




What is the objective from this Coffee Break?

I want you to give yourself a chance to think and investigate in the rules in your mind and your opinions. The biggest trap people fall in is to deal with pure personal opinions and experience as facts and be controlled by it.

What if you are mistaken?
What if the reason for your negative feelings is of wrong thought in your mind?
What if you are controlled by wrong thought someone else but it in your mind?
What if you are behave based on wrong understanding for your past experiences?
What if your stopping fears are only illusion?

It’s the time to reconstruct your paradigm based on what you really want to be.
It’s the time to think before react.
It’s the time to be what you really want not what the other people convince you to be.
It’s the time to find the real lesson from your past experiences and to learn from your mistakes.
It’s the time to make your mind free from pre-judgments.

You are product of your own choices. If you want ANYTHING make a firm decision to have and pay the price and you’ll have Insha’Allah.


Do you want to be happy in your marriage?

Build Full Commitment, Trust and Loyalty

For every building root and core and this key is our cornerstone for the Happy Marriage Why? Because the main core needs in marriage is Stability which cannot be achieved with lack of commitment, doubt about each other or disloyalty.
Let’s discuss them point by point


1. Commitment

Commitment simply is a decision and attitude you should have from the 1st marriage day to keep your marriage relation whatever happen. Why? Because the married couples considered one person from the day they got married. You have one choice is to struggle and fight to keep your marriage relation healthy and last forever Insha’Allah.

Maybe you will start to ask
How can I achieve this? I believe that you have many reasons both logically and emotionally that guided you to choose your spouse. You should do a clear decision and share it with your spouse " I will fight to keep this marriage healthy forever Insha’Allah".

What if I dislike things in my spouse and my attachment decreased?
Put in your mind that we are incomplete sinful human and your spouse and even you belong to this group of creations. Simply as your spouse accept some negative points in you why not you do the same. Find small thing you like in your spouse and focus on it and let it grow. You have to protect your attachment and emotions to your spouse and renew it DAILY otherwise it’s normal to be affected. Just keep your marriage.

What if I feel that my spouse and I are different in many things?
I’ll assume that you choose your spouse very carefully and you felt that he/she is your match before decide to continue the marriage. You should know that every single person has a unique finger print and the same for the personality and behavior. Your spouse is your complements so don’t expect that he/she should be the same as you. Believe me the best thing to do is to accept that your spouse is different. Just keep your marriage।

2. Trust updated

After you decide firmly that you will continue your marriage ship with your spouse and fight for it you should start to search for the tools that will help you to accomplish your marriage keeping mission. The first tool we have is trust.

Why should I trust my spouse? In healthy marriage your spouse will be the most closed person to you in this life. You decided to share your life and all what you have with him/her. Do you think you can share the most valuable things you have without someone you don’t trust!?

Both woman and man need trust but for man it’s higher priority than for woman because woman high priority need is to feel stable and secure. I’ll focus my words for women because she should pay more attention to give trust to her beloved man.

How can I show trust to my spouse?
Usually trust exist by natural in healthy marriage, but sometimes woman do certain actions with good intention that will be translated for man as if she don’t trust him. The common mistake woman do is offering help for something man can manage by himself and consider it his mission.

For woman when she wants to show care for her man she offers help and correct him, but for man this can be translated as if she don’t trust him. Maybe you will be surprised from this or even not convinced but let me tell you the reason for this. Man in general is task oriented and he feel better about himself when he achieve things by his own, but woman in general is people oriented and she feel better about herself when she communicate with people and give them care and attention. When you offer man help you feel that you give care to him, but he will feel that you don’t trust that he can achieve this by himself.

For example assume that man solving a puzzle and he feel challenged by this, It is not recommended for woman to offer him help at this time if he didn’t ask because he will feel that he lost his own mission. But for woman usually she won’t feel offended from this because she concerns more about the communication and sharing more than the task itself.

How can I correct my man without make him feel distrusted?
The best thing to do is to appreciate what he is doing and encourage him without offering help or correcting him unless he ask for this. You can give suggestions and advices indirectly by asking smart questions to make him feel that he is helping you not the opposite.


What if my spouse behaves in strange way or makes unreasonable actions?
The first thing should come to your mind is “I believe that he/she has reasonable justification for this” and CLOSE any door for doubts then simply ask your spouse the reason. AVOID accusing tone and tell your spouse honestly that you ask because you want to understand him/her better. Kill any doubt by your trust and always put in your mind that he/she has a good reason for his behavior.


Finally trust your spouse care and love for you and AVOID making tests for your spouse to examine his/her love. Especially for women please avoid create expectations in your mind and keep watching if your man will meet them or no. Simply after marriage Trust WITHOUT keep testing.


3. Loyalty

Loyalty is the fruit and result of commitment and trust. It’s the measure for your commitment and trust toward your spouse.

Some people think that by talking about marriage disloyalty we mean lust or outside marriage relation. I agree that this is the maximum disloyalty and most probably lead to immediate break for the marriage relation, but here I mean something else which can be the leading way to the worst marriage disloyalty.

I want to talk about mind and thoughts disloyalty. Some people can have just a positive thought toward another opposite gender person. It can take different shapes for example feeling pity or responsible toward another person in need, feeling grateful to someone gave you help and support, feeling admiration toward someone in specific situation, getting temporal eye attachment for someone even if you don’t know, etc… This can be something real in the present or from your memories or even by just pure unreal imagination. Whatever it was remember that if you want to feel peace of mind you have to kill any thought like this immediately in the first second or it will be big giant very quickly by time and destroy you.

What if I got such thoughts what can I do?
By getting such thoughts doesn’t mean that you are disloyal or bad person at all because it can happen normally. The key point is how you deal with.
Before I answer you I want to confirm that your way to achieve happiness and stability in your life is to KILL such thoughts immediately otherwise you will never be content about any spouse you can have.

Here I want to refresh with you some common knowledge that can help you Insha’Allah

a) Every single person on the earth does mistakes and has strength and weakness points.
b) Comparison habit is like cancer can destroy you completely and It’s unfair to compare 2 persons because everyone is unique and has different combination of strength and weakness points.
c) Don’t make over estimate to anyone because we all are human not angles. It’s normal that in the beginning of any relation you can only see the good part of that person.
d) Remember and reinforce the commitment and trust between you and your spouse.
e) Immediately change your thoughts direction and get more close to your spouse.


Remember the cornerstone for your happy marriage Insha’Allah is complete forever commitment, trust and loyalty